I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
