I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
