dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
