thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
