just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
