Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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