Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
