Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
