And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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