tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
