shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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