I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
