PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
