I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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