Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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