cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
