can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
