We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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