i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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