is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
