I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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