does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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