we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
