I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
