i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry about my life...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize