We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
