im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So. Much. Porn.
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