I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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