I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
