haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
