Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
