how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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