Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
