Farmville is her only friend.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
