They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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