So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
