Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
