WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
