I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
