Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
