That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
