I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
