he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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