I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
