Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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