I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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