Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
