Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
