my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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