Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
