No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
