I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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