I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
