just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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