I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
