So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
