I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
