Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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