i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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