dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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