Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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