Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
