Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
