I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
