Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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