Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
