Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
