Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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