I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
