I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
