i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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