So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
