You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
