I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
