Moan for me like Helen Keller
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
