Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
